For anyone who has lost their mothers recently, or passed away a long time ago, you’re not alone.
Mother’s Day is a difficult time of year for most of us who have lost our moms. I lost my mom from her battle with cancer in 2011. I was 17 years old when she passed away. She was such a joyful person, filled with love and generosity. For those who knew her, she was always the life of the party even amidst her battle with cancer. Losing her feels like it just happened yesterday and it may never go away. I learned to accept that it is the way it is and learned to grieve differently through time.
When one loses their mother, Mother’s Day is the time of year when people awkwardly don’t have a clue what to say if they know you’re without a mother. Sometimes it’s even more awkward when they greet you, and they don’t know your mother has passed away. This time of year is when I grieve her loss all over again and wish I could have another day to hug, kiss, and thank her. If only I could have another day where we could spend some time together, and ask her questions, because there is so much left to say!
I miss the little things, like being able to call her, bring her flowers, and a card on this special day. Yesterday, I felt my grief all over again while we were at the grocery store and I just started to tear up seeing everyone else buying flowers and cards for their moms. I told myself that it’s okay to grieve her loss during this time, especially since I don’t think this feeling will ever truly go away.
9 years have passed and it still feels like it was yesterday. It hurts to think about and the death of a loved one really changes you. May it be that your mother has lost her battle to cancer, or may have passed away from the COVID-19, or an accident or however she has left this earth, here are some ways I have learned to cope over the years:
- Honor her life
This is the best time to remember her and honor her life. This holiday comes every year and it’s okay to cry but you also have this time to look through memories and choose to have love in your heart instead of bitterness. #RememberingMom is what I usually do and share all the memories and good things I can remember about my mom.
- Greet your second moms and (if it applies) your mother in law
This is the perfect time to appreciate the moms who have been there for you after your mom has passed. I try to reach out to as many moms who have helped me cope with the loss of my mom. I thank them for being there for me and being a second mom. I honor them today as well because these ladies have helped shape me into the woman that I am now. This is new to me this year because I recently got married. I now have my mother in law to honor this year as well. She raised the man I love, and I feel really blessed to have been welcomed with open and loving arms.
- It’s okay to cry, and feel down, but get back up!
For some who have recently lost their mother, it’s okay to cry. Cry until you get tired of crying. Even for those who have lost their moms a long time ago, it’s okay to cry and grieve, but get back up and choose to turn this day into a joyful day. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want you crying over her death and being miserable about it during this day.
- Honor your father on this day
If you have your father, honor him on this day. He may not be a mother but he tried to raise you the best way he could. He also lost a wife and a partner in life. Thank you, Dad for being there always. Thank you for being strong for us, for raising a teenage daughter the best way you knew how. It must have been hard for you but I want to honor you on this day as well. I love you Dad, you’re the best.
Here’s a suggestion for those who still have their mothers on mothers’ day. Please love them, don’t yell at them, be patient and loving. It’s our turn to be there for them. They’re not getting any younger. If you’re not on good terms with your mom and confrontation is scary, write them a letter, tell them how you feel, and most of all, apologize even when you think you’re in the right. Trust me you don’t want to have any regrets later in life do it before it is too late.
- Write a letter to your mom or dad.
I have always been close to my parents and I suggest this to everyone. Write your parents a heartfelt letter/card, while thanking them and being open/vulnerable in this letter. This changes your relationship with them and even helps you set a different mindset towards them.
Mother’s Day for me won’t be the same again, but we can always change our perspective and choose to see the good things we have around us. Give yourself some credit though, because you got through this difficult life event and it has shaped you to be who you are now. This may be a hard time for some of us, but give yourself time to heal, choose to love, and choose to honor her life on this day.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the grandmas, titas, ninangs, momma, mommies, mothers out there!
Love,
Jessthejoyfulsoul
Jess The Joyful Soul 